DuHoss's Xanga

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 20:18:35 GMT

I have decided that in the torrid aftermath of what has been several months of introspective thinking that I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to pretend that the past lives on in faint memories or nostalgic, hopeful relationships. I am starting a new chapter and turning over a new leaf, as they say, and so, pouring over my thoughts through text no longer serves as an adequate means of connection nor resolution.

Good bye, xanga. Good bye, past.

- b

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 08:55:53 GMT

Harry Potter was INSANE! Oh My GEEZUS!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 04:09:20 GMT

My future could land me in four very different places. I could end up in San Francisco, Santa Clara, Sacramento/Stockton, or Orange County. It is the uncertainty that is driving me insane. Bits and pieces of a broken memory keep me wondering, pondering even, over how I may see myself in five years.

Certainty entails reassurance, but it does not suggest that planning has been negged on. I did not not plan. I did not however, plan for things to go differently than planned. I did infact plan, and plan thoroughly, although my plans did not go according to plan. I planned to make future plans. My future plans depend on current plans, and plans altogether go both directions. People spend too much time planning.

- b

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 03:50:16 GMT

Unemployed and out of school... nuts. Now I find myself cleaning my room and packing up boxes. This is surreal.

If you are in the Dirty-D, gimme a call - there are plenty of celebrations to be had in the days ahead.

- b

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:43:30 GMT

I have recently been reminded of my own subtle mortality. Who am I kidding? Its been happening a lot more than just recently. Little things are again working to undo my sense of security and stability. I thought that I was ready to resume my life in the bay, but did I once again jump the gun? Some might characterize my behavior over these last few months as post-nostalgic, as someone who was ready to cross my own little "bridge" with a can of gasoline in tow. But lets not be cliche. Graduations coming a little too soon for my own clear comfort. Change sucks.

My aspirations are muddled. I wonder sometimes if this whole show hasn't been some mistake. I feel like I have an itch that I can't quite scratch. There is SOMETHING lingering over me and I can't figure out what it is. damnit. I feel like I should be doing something great in my life, and more so, that the time to engage in greatness is NOW. Three more years of edumukation awaits me, though... a reality that makes me groan.

Maybe its normalcy. I am far from normal, but normal to some. I am far from taboo, but a heretic to others. I hate angles. Angles suck. Fuck angles.

No one reads this. I want In n Out. I want a beer. A nice German beer. I want change. I want a tabula rasa.

- b

Monday, May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 05:14:18 GMT

A year older, and on my way to Hawaii on Thursday. Is this what retirement feels like?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Wed, 09 May 2007 16:28:34 GMT

Law school sucks, and I don't even go to one yet.

- b

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Thu, 03 May 2007 18:47:58 GMT

It is frustrating, and altogether annoying, to have to check the mail every...single...day... waiting, lingering, hoping for a certain law school to get back to me. I understand that I may have begun this wait prematurely. I started stalking the mail-man in as early as November, when in reality most application deadlines weren't even until February. Yet still, I get the same churning in my stomach everyday, right before I check. Every single day. Come what may...

- b

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 15:41:45 GMT

I don't watch a lot of television. For the few shows that I do watch, I am pretty much addicted. I watch West Wing, or did, before it ended. I watch sci-fi shows galore, and also the Food Network, oh my holy Food Network. I ALSO watch Bravo's "The Workout." I am sure some of my friends have seen it ... I know kevmo for sure does. It has a twist of drama, mixed in with both useful and useless information.

For example: I had no idea that 14grams of sugar was roughly the equivalent of 1/2 of a candy bar. Did you know that 14grams is exactly how much sugar there is in a Yoplait Light (fat free) yogurt? This I learn as I just bought a shitload of yogurt, too.

Pointless. Utterly pointless. :D

Went to the city last night to chill with some good kiddos. Thanks kevmo for cooking yurrrr stirfry. It was deliciososososo. It was good to see everyone too. As I have said before, sometimes this town is just a little too constricting, so it was nice to get out of here, even if it turned me into a horrible excuse for a driver. I look forward to doing that again, soon.

- b

Monday, April 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 20:47:18 GMT

They say good things are best exploited in moderation. I tend to agree. They also say that diversity and complexity, a sense of surprise even, are the ingredients to making life worth living. I couldn't agree more. It is for these reasons that I am trying to do new things while I still have an open window before law school (and inevitably a career).

I have visited Los Angeles and Disneyland more times in the last six months than I had my entire life up until that point. I have gone to museums, eaten at new places, tried new foods, slept in, underslept, read books, but it's all not enough. I wants moreZ. Low n behold, next week should be the topper thus far. I am going to a) see Wicked b) go to sea world! c) go to the Los Angeles Observatory and d) hit up the Getty Villa. RawRz!

I am also making a great new bunch of friends to mix with the cool kids that I already know. I am pretty thankful too. Good friends are hard to come by.

The moral of this story is to relay that I am restless lately. It is not so much regret, as perhaps deep pondering over how I spend my days. I suppose that I am a do-er. I always have been. I have sometimes been called a workaholic, but not lately. There is only so much effort that one can put into the job that I currently hold (a student-based job that has no real purpose). Still, I am a do-er. I do. I don't sit around easily. It's actually driving me insane.

So . . . I am filling my days.

- b